I have quite a number of nicknames because of the many group of friends I have. My full first name is Misty Karen, but on a regular basis, I go by Misty. University friends, colleagues, newly made friends and acquaintances call me that. As for my family and long time family friends, they call me Mika, which is my actual nickname. ‘Mi’ from the first two letters of Misty, and ‘Ka’ from the first two letters of Karen. However, my childhood best friend Bianca likes to call me Mikadoodledoo, it’s funny but sweet. Haha.
Some other people that I have been friends for a while too and a few of my church friends, they call me Meekai or Mikay, it’s just like a variation of Mika.
Me and my best friend from high school call each other Shai. It’s taken from Beshie then it turned into Besh and then it became Beshai and then to its final form, Shai. I have no idea where we got that, really.
Back in Xavier University, I became a part of this online anime community called CDOTAKU (it’s dead now ;A;), and we have our own usernames when we registered for it. Almost all of the members were from Cagayan de Oro, and mostly students from XU. Later on, the online community became an actual community, where we finally met each other and hang out as friends. The username I used there was Kazumi. I got it from the Japanese equivalent of Misty (from Pokemon) which is Kasumi, but changed the ‘s’ to ‘z’, so it became Kazumi. So the friends I made in that community calls me Kazumi or Kazumi-chan (-chan being an honorific for friends in Japan), or the shortened version Ka-chan.
I think that’s all of it. It’s fun to have different names for different cliques that I belong to, it feels like you’re a different person to each one. As Anne Shirley would like to put it, “There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting”
If there’s anything I miss the most right now, it’s waking up each early morning inside my bedroom in our old house in Cagayan de Oro.
Those times that I drift away from reality, I always find myself there—moments when I was young and having not much of a care in the world.
I miss the family breakfasts, especially during the weekends; just seated around the table having coffee, or hot chocolate paired with pan de sal with peanut butter, and while eating, my mom is also getting busy in the kitchen after having gone early in the morning to the public market. Preparing to make brunch and usually I also help her out. That’s how I got myself to enjoy cooking. Native chicken adobo, chicken liver adobo, beef lauya, and sotanghon soup, these are just a few of my favorite dishes to cook (and eat) with my mom.
I miss the simplicity of my life, and how I have always looked at the world in rose-colored glasses.
My bestfriend from high school and I have always joked about how carefree we were before and now we’re panicking adults not knowing what exactly we want to do, and fearing that we’ll get left behind.
Although, in my heart, no matter how I want a lot of things, want to do a lot of things, I would always go back to that simple life. I would like to go back to that simple life. I think that’s why I am attracted to the Japanese way of living right now. (And also because I have been watching a lot of shows on Japanese culture. More of that some other time. )
This is an attempt once again to continue the writing challenge I have restarted with Stef early this year, but went hiatus during summer because of my busy schedule. This helps to calm my mind as well. So, hi. I’m back.
Being in the middle of what they call the quarter-life crisis, I now fully realized that life is full of uncertainties. That, and or maybe I AM full of uncertainties. (I am, though) These uncertainties can be crippling and can lead to a life full of backing up and recklessly moving forward again, and back, and forward, and back again… Sigh, you get the drift.
But sometimes it’s reassuring to see posts like this:
I’ve had my share of fresh starts. I’m 26 (that’s no secret), and right now, (again) I’m in a fresh start. I feel so left behind.
For the first time in my college life, I went to the counselor. I received an advice from a good friend who went through depression and eventually went to therapy, that I should see someone professional about the details of my anxieties. It was difficult to talk about it at first because, I am not exactly comfortable opening up to a new person, furthermore to someone who doesn’t know a thing about me. Eventually, I did—slowly. I won’t talk about further how it went but I feel a little lighter having been able to release some of the things that burdens me, and the things that causes my anxiety.
Take one day at a time. That’s what she told me.
I have forgotten what that is like. I used to enjoy my days, observing my surroundings, taking pictures of anything that catches my eye, and just take in the beauty of another day—another day to be alive.
Maybe that’s what I need right now.
I have lost count how many times I’ve cried the past weeks. It’s been hard to keep the anxieties at bay, thus the frequent episodes. I don’t know until when this will go on. Inside my head there’s a scream for help, but I shut it down because it’s just all in my head. Clearly, I am only over thinking. But tell me, how do you deliberately stop thinking?
I’m not sure if it’s because of the weather but I’ve been feeling rather gloomy for the past 2 weeks. All I want to do is just stay and lie down in bed and do nothing, or just sleep. Sleep seems to be the best way out of this gloomy 2 weeks.
I want to be alone and not feel lonely. Be independent but not cynical. I want to do something but I don’t want to move. Be with people but not have to talk.
I have made a lot of foolish decisions in my life. Those foolish decision has gotten me into a lot of trouble, trouble for myself and for other people. There were feelings that were also taken for granted, feelings that were hurt as a result of those decisions. Although, because of those decisions I am where I am now, and I think this is great. I am thankful that I was able to pull through those situations, and it has made me the person that I am now. Still there are a few things that I do regret. I know regrets do not help in anyway with your growth as a person, that is if you keep dwelling on them. But if you look at regrets as a learning experience, it is only then that it will help you in becoming a better and wiser person.
Personally, the very few things I only regret is how I have mismanaged and abused my resources, most specifically time and finances. I grew up thinking that I only have little compared to the other children around me. I have grown so envious of them, those who were able and had better things than I. I thought that I was entitled to that too, that I should have those too. So with that mindset I grew up thinking that I can have things whenever I could, and whenever I have the resources for it, instantly. The time came when I had to manage my own finances, and I failed. I failed so hard. So many times. I got into trouble so many times. I can’t even emphasize that enough. Even until now I am still struggling handling my finances.
As for mismanaging my time, I don’t think I wasted them, but I feel like I could have done more before—prioritizing the more important things.
Like I said above, those decisions that I made back then has brought me where I am now. I don’t not like my now, but I know it could have been better if I made better decisions then. But I am still eternally grateful for everything.
So, I guess here’s to learning from past mistakes.
Ah, I’ve been away for a bit longer than I should, very sorry about that. I have just been so busy with things and my new job in F.Un.Shop Dumaguete. F.Un.Shop (Faith Unlimited Shop) Dumaguete is the best creative music studio here in the city. (No bias.) They offer music lessons for children and adults, be it voice or musical instruments. They have the programs that I would like my future kids’ clubhouse to have! And I am so grateful for having been given the opportunity to work with them. I have only daydreamed about working there last year, but now I finally am part of the teaching force (although temporary part-time)! But still I am still thankful, to God especially for this opportunity. I have been bummed about things the past weeks (see previous posts) and this was an answered prayer. So thank you Lord, and for the people who have been praying for me.
So anyway, I am looking forward to a lot of things actually. Let me break it down below:
26th Birthday. IT’S TOMORROW! Ah, I don’t know what I’m going to do or what’s going to happen, but all I know is that I am thankful to God, to my family, my friends and to all the people who have been supporting me. I’ve arrived at this point of my life because of them, and I am nothing but grateful—for this life and for them. That will be my theme this year: neverending gratitude.
Start of my piano lessons again on Monday. After being away for almost 3 years, I am finally picking up where I left off, or I may even have to take a little bit more steps back. But it’s okay, I want to do this again and do it right. I am excited because this time I won’t be doing it for grades or for anyone, but myself. To be able to enjoy playing the piano again is something I am really looking forward to.
Miguel’s Graduation. If things turn out really well Miguel is going to graduate this summer, and I am more than excited for him. He’s come a long way and he hasn’t given up. This is one of the things I admire about him, his perseverance and willpower to achieve the things he wants in his life. And he deserves this. I just pray that everything will be fine and he will be able to finish the things that he needs to do.
Going back to school on June. God-willing I will be enrolling this June and will be shifting to Early Childhood Education! YAY! I’m praying for provision and guidance in everything, that if God wills this, then things will just fall into place.
My trip to Manila next year with friends. Yes! I am very much looking forward to this! It will be my first time traveling to Manila with friends. What we have in our itinerary already excites me! I hope everything will be in our favor! Praying for provision as well for this plan!
Finishing the book A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. After being on hiatus in my reading, one book finally piqued my interest, and right now I want to do nothing else but to devour it. I miss the feeling of craving to read and finishing a book! It’s that good!
Those are just few(? haha) of the things that I am looking forward to this year and the next. It’s my prayer that whatever plans I have may it be in line with His will for me and I pray He would bless them. If it’s God’s will, then I know and I am confident that things will fall into place.
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
This was the very first Bible verse my mom made me memorize. I think I was 5 or 6 then. I mentioned on one of my previous entries (see Day 10: Something I’m Afraid Of) that I have always been afraid of the dark. It terrifies me being in the dark, so I actually sleep with the lights on. But yeah, growing up I have always been such a scaredy-cat. Mostly because of the things I watch on TV with my brothers, or the stories I hear from the other kids and grown ups. This Bible verse has helped me get through moments when I get really scared.
Now I’m grown up, although I still get scared, I am comforted that everywhere I go—and not just in moments of fear, God will always be with me.
Out of all the 6 piano recitals I’ve done since 1st year to 4th year, I only have 4 pictures. This by far is my favorite.
I love this photo because this was my last piano recital before I took a break from school. This piece was one of my favorites, and in this recital I felt I did justice to the music, after all of my botched recitals in the past. This was also the piece I played when I auditioned for the music program when I entered Silliman, except that I didn’t get to finish playing the entire thing. Actually, come to think of it, this became my entrance and exit piece in Silliman. Haha.
I also love this photo because it reminds me of my love of playing the piano.In that same semester, I wasn’t able to make it to my final jury in piano. I felt disheartened and thought of myself as a failure. I have put off playing for a long time after I took a break from school. I have a lot of excuses but in the end it was really just a lack of discipline and perseverance on my part, and it also didn’t help that I get anxiety attacks each time I go to my lesson. I could have been better with my piano, I could have worked harder, I could have put up a fight with my anxieties, but no, I didn’t. I never did.
Hmm, seems useless to dwell on it now. But it still does bother me a lot though, because this is one thing I still haven’t given up on, and never will. So for summer, I have planned to resume my piano lessons and maybe take voice lessons as well if the budget allows. And if things work out in my favor, I will be shifting to Early Childhood Education, but still have my piano and voice lessons.
So, wish me the best!
Recently I have been juggling thoughts about what I really want to do, or accomplish in life. It has bummed me so much that I end up wallowing in sorrow for the past couple of days—crying to sleep and waking up feeling so useless and lost. Well, actually the last bit was just the other night and yesterday morning. And to think I was excited to make this entry.
In the middle of writing this, I realized that I am actually more of a dreamer. I dream of doing so many things. I dream of having my own clubhouse for kids, open up an ukulele shop with a cafe that has a bookshelf as a wall and a reading corner, take part in musical theatre, dance tap and ballet, learn the art of cooking and bartending, do calligraphy, do web dev and programming again, teach humanities and music education in college and so on. Because of these many things I wish to do, I get confused, and my goals get all muddled up.
Although I am still so unsure of what I want to do, there are a few immediate goals that I do want to accomplish as soon as possible:
1. Graduate in Early Childhood Education. All the while taking piano lessons & voice. (Optional: dance lessons on ballet & tap). This is my way of venting my frustrations on participating in musical theatre.
3. Take MA in Child Psychology or MM in Music Education in UST. Even though I want to have the kids’ clubhouse I would also like the option of teaching Music Education in college.
Those top 3 are my priorities at the moment. I don’t even know when I could or IF I could do them. I think that’s what depresses and dreads me the most—why I was so bothered this whole time thinking about all of this. It was because I was scared, scared that I won’t be able to accomplish them and end up miserable in life.
Currently the feeling of unsettledness is creeping into me, and my self-esteem is plummeting fast and hard. Is it because it’s that time of the year? It was the same last year and the years before that, ever since 2009, the year when I was SUPPOSED to graduate. I usually don’t get depressed because I know life is not a race, and it’s never too late, but the past few days has just not been kind to me. No, nothing happened to me exactly, it is more like an internal battle going on inside me.
But there’s no point dwelling on that really.
For now, I will leave you with that short list of goals and maybe I shall revisit and update it when I have thoroughly thought things through and actually prayed about it.
I have been racking my brains on what to write about this topic. For a while, I really questioned myself, what exactly do I believe in? There are so many things I do believe in, but I could not seem to articulate them properly, until a few days ago. I was just lying on my bed one afternoon and I suddenly thought of the Bible verses I have learned growing up. These Bible verses were the ones I have learned in Sunday School at church. I’ve memorized these and a lot more back then. No, I am not what you would call religious, but I do value my faith although that might not be evident because I have not been practicing it, and not even going to church anymore. (life struggles and the like, personal stuff). But anyway, after all those times, I’m glad I have found my back to what I have learned growing up, and I thought this was a great reminder as well for me, with everything that has been going on. I believe the Bible and God’s promises.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
I believe that God loves me and He save me from my sins through Jesus. It’s something that I always beat myself up for. The guilt of my sins—forgetting that Jesus had already died for them. It’s not an excuse to keep on sinning, but rather strive for a life that is pleasing to Him and ask for forgiveness whenever I fall short. It’s a constant struggle.
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. Matthew 7:12a
The Golden Rule. It’s the most basic of things, really. One of the things I actually unconsciously do. I mean I am nice, but I can be nasty too. But most of the time I try to be nice to people, not because I want to be acknowledged as being such, but because I know how it’s unpleasant when people treat you badly. And also because nothing rewarding comes out of treating people badly.
But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
This is one of the things that I truly believe in, but find very hard to do. Honestly. I have witnessed lives changed because of how faithful they are to God, how they always put Him first and do everything for His glory. My mom always reminds me of this promise, and I take it for granted. I have experienced blessings and blessing upon me before when I served God, with the best that I could. And now, where exactly am I?
In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:6
This was one of my life verses way back, in fact, I made this my life verse when I transferred to Silliman University way back 2009. And things happened and I slowly slipped away and forgot about it, or rather I brushed it off and went my own way.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I Thessalonians 5:18
I believe in giving thanks for everything, but I still question the part how everything in my life is the will of God for me. But I guess this is what they say about trusting His will even when you have doubts. After all, that is what faith is all about. ( “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1)
Before, I used to have no qualms talking about my spiritual life. I am actually slightly feeling uncomfortable sharing this entry. And I am ashamed of myself for feeling uncomfortable about it because there’s really nothing to be uncomfortable about. Maybe because I rarely talk about it, and my life does not reflect what I say that I believe in. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to write this. But overall I’m glad I was able to finally do this entry. It reminded me of a lot of things that I have forgotten.
After all of the events for the past weeks I am relieved to be taking some time off and just chill. Though I still went to work it’s not really that busy these days either.
So, lately I have just been scouring songs and videos of my favorite Broadway musical actor, Jeremy Jordan (Newsies, Bonnie and Clyde, West Side Story, The Last Five Years). If I’m lucky, I find really great songs written by such talented composers like Carner & Gregor, whom I have had the opportunity to exchange emails with when I inquired about a sheet music on one of their songs (Tie Me Up), which was performed by Jeremy Jordan and his wife Ashley. The song is from their upcoming musical Island Song. The musical is actually very modern, basing on the music style that they used, and even more obvious with the setting of the musical. I am excited for the story, and I actually inquired if the book of the musical was available already, but unfortunately not yet. I look forward to it though! I’m just remembering what Derek Wills said in the second season of SMASH: “Musicals takes years to develop!”
Another song I discovered through Jeremy Jordan is Run Away With Me written by Kerrigan-Lowdermilk. I haven’t looked them up and the rest of their works, but from this song, I know I already like them.
Another Broadway favorite of mine aside from Jeremy Jordan, is the lovely Laura Osnes. She played as Bonnie in the musical Bonnie and Clyde, opposite Jeremy Jordan. She has such an impressive and beautiful voice. I instantly became a fan. She also played Ella in the musical Cinderella, as the original Broadway cast. One of the videos I watched of her was this song she did for Kooman and Dimond, another pair of talented composer. I love the song, and I wish I wrote it. I feel like this song is all of my feelings rolled into one.
Take a listen, and hopefully you will like it too.
Help me, it’s happening again.
I wake up gasping for air.
I’m reaching for something
That’s no longer there.
Dreaming of pathways back to then.
Knowing that it will never be.
And it’s suffocating me.
If I could just breathe,
All I need to do
Is simply exhale
And let go of you.
But I don’t dare breathe
Instead I sink down
I hold tight to you
And let myself drown.
Catch me, I’m sinking far too fast.
Pulled by a darkness deep inside
And I surrender to the tide.
If I could just breathe,
All I need to do
Is simply exhale
And let go of you.
But I don’t dare breathe
Instead I sink down
I hold tight to you
And let myself drown.
The scars fade away, and the bruises all heal.
I hang on to the hurt cause I can’t help but feel
The pain is the only proof that you were real.
Hold me, as I fall through the void.
Wrapped up in its empty embrace.
Alone with my memories,
And infinite space.
Dreams of something I destroyed.
Dreams that I know cannot come true.
Dreams of a lifetime with you.
If I can just breathe,
Then I can move on.
I’ll simply exhale
And you’ll be gone.
But I cannot breathe.
I’ll never let go.
The pain is the only thing I know…
Dark things under the sea. Or just the darkness in general. Or the sea. Or all of the above.
I am terrified of being underwater, be it in the sea or just any natural bodies of water. While I may also think it is such a beautiful thing (because fishes and coral reefs!), I cannot stop feeling afraid of what’s underneath me, or if there’s anything that’s going to come and get me. It seriously freaks me out in a very bad way, my mind starts running wild, I start panicking and well, I just lose complete control of myself, pretty much.
The same with being in the dark, alone. As far as I can remember I always sleep with the lights on. Sometimes my parents turn off my bedroom lights when I’ve already fallen asleep. During those times, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I start freaking out because of the dark. Most of the time I try to keep my eyes tightly shut, afraid that if I open them I might see something in the dark. I also cover myself with the blanket, stay very still and just hope that I fall asleep fast. Those were horrible times for me.
Although now I am not as afraid of the dark, as long as I’m with someone. But I am hopeless when it comes to ‘swimming’ or immersing myself in the sea, especially if it’s too deep for me. I am hoping that I will be less afraid when I learn how to swim, because I do love being in the beach and playing by the sea. I am just too terrified of going further in to the water.
I have missed a lot of things in life because of these fears. I hope sooner or later I will be able to conquer them.
Okay, PechaKucha first!
First I heard about PechaKucha was when the first volume was done last July 31, 2014. After a few days I checked it out and got very interested.
Basically, PechaKucha 20×20 is a simple presentation format where you show 20 images, each for 20 seconds. The images advance automatically and you talk along to the images. The word PechaKucha is Japanese for the onomatopoeia of chitchat. These ‘chitchats’ could be about anything. This is a good way to encourage creatives or any people to talk about the things that they are passionate about, but with limited time, since if you let these kind of people talk, they can go on forever. I personally think this is such a genius idea.
Last week, I had the honor to give a presentation about the ukulele, with my colleague GJ. Who would have thought that a few months ago I just tweeted about making a presentation for the ukulele for my own pleasure, but I actually really got to do the talk in front of students and fellow creatives! I was very happy, and scared at the same time because I have not interacted with this group. But it turned out great. I enjoyed doing our presentation and was even more delighted listening to the other presenters. Passionate people are inspirational.
Also, last Sunday we got to celebrate the 1st year anniversary of United Ukes of Dumaguete. This is the ukulele group I founded along with Toby and GJ. We started as a small group and eventually just grew throughout the year. It has been a great journey so far with everyone. I’m grateful for these individuals for their passion and love for the ukulele and music. I am looking forward to playing more music with them, and continuing to spread the love we have for the ukulele.
One of the many things that I have always been grateful for are the extraordinary individuals that God has blessed me with—my friends. My mom have always remarked how much of a social butterfly I am. While that may be true before, I don’t think it holds true now. Because of some events that took place in my life, I have been cautious about trusting people again. But I am glad that there are still those that were worth the risk.
Bianca and I go waaaay back. We’ve known each other since we were babies; our parents are officemates and are also really good friends. Bianca, to put it simply, is my Diana Barry (and yes I am Anne Shirley). She is the kindest person I know, and has always been ridiculously supportive of me, like in all things. We’ve always been together, until I had to go to Dumaguete to pursue music. But one of the things I love about us is that no matter how long we haven’t seen each other, even with only minimal communication, once we reunite, it feels as though we never were separated. Distance has never been an issue with us. But now, I feel like our friendship is really about to be tested. Bianca just left for Dubai last month and it’s her first time being away from her family and everyone. I’m actually feeling sad about it, but at the same time happy for her—happy that she finally chose to step out of her comfort zone. I miss her a lot more now, but I make it to a point to communicate with her now as often as I can. I asked her to get the app Snapchat and we’ve been having fun exchanging snaps. I miss her.😦
These are my closest high school friends, Havilah and Faith. The three of us have gone through so much together, we practically know everything about each other. It was tough in the early years of our friendship; we would always have cold wars and petty quarrels. However, because of that, we learned how to treat each other better and became closer. They’re both so precious to me. Havilah is in Panama now, since April 2013 and Faith came back to CDO also last 2013 after spending around 5 years working in Cebu. We keep in touch all the time, just checking on each other, talk about how our day went, or just about any mundane things in our life. It’s always great talking and hanging with them, and I miss every bit of it. I’m excited to be reunited with them again.
Ah, this guy. I’ve talked about him on my day 3 entry, so I will try to keep this one short. Quintin or Boting as he is fondly called by friends and family (I love and adore his first name so I try to use it everytime) is one of the closest guy friends I’ve ever had. He knows me inside out, and is one of the very few that I would actually trust my life with. I could never put up a wall of false pretenses with him since he would just break it down, take the curled up shivering me, and sit me down and warm me up. He doesn’t seem like it (or doesn’t even know it yet) but he has a kind and compassionate heart. He’s one of the special ones you don’t get to meet often. And when you do find one like him, keep them close to your heart. I did.
I actually just met Stef a few months ago and it’s amazing how we just clicked right there.
Here’s the story on how several events led me to meeting her:
The first time I noticed her was when I saw the wedding pictures of her and Jayson (an upperclassman when I was still in Xavier University taking up Computer Science) several years ago. And I thought, ‘Oh hey he got married! His wife’s really cute!’ It was just one of those passing moments in social media where I randomly stalk people. (YES HAHA). Fast forward to 2013 when I was in CDO, I got invited to Quintin’s birthday party, and there I got to meet Jayson (we were never introduced nor had any previous interaction) and saw my other former CS buddies. When I gave Quintin his present, the book The Little Prince, Jayson noticed and asked if I was into books, and I told him I was. He continued to tell me about his wife and how she’s also really into books and said we would get along well in that area. I thought, ‘oh yeah, I remember her, cool’. Fast forward again to 2014, Quintin mentioned her in one of our conversations over the phone, she talked about meeting her and that she reminds him of me. I got really curious now, so I looked her up over Facebook (because that’s what I do lol), and I just added her there, and luckily enough she confirmed my request. Around that time she just created a Facebook page for her creative projects, and if I remember correctly I was the first one to like it (yay! haha. or if not the 3rd one? I forgot lol), and there I found her website and blog. I was fascinated and impressed with the work that she’s done. I always look up to passionate creatives who work hard for their goals and dreams. So on one of the entries in her blog I posted a simple comment, not really expecting to get a reply, but she replied! From there Stef and I just started talking and eventually, or rather finally, got connected!
We have so much shared interests. It’s like each time we talk we discover new things that we have in common, and not only that, there are just many things that we relate with each other! It’s just mind-blowing for me. I have found my soul sister! Haha. Seriously though, Stef is one tough lady. She’s strong-willed and has a gentle heart. She’s terribly sweet too, and genuinely cares about the people and the things that matter to her. I think what really drew us together is our passion towards art and life, and she is one of the most passionate people I know. And it’s always wonderful and inspiring to meet people like her, that’s why I’ve always been so thankful that I met her. Oh, and I’m also thankful that because of her I have been more motivated and consistent with my blogging! She has become my accountability partner, and collaborator of sort. So thank you so much Stef!😀
Jastine was one of the few friends who was with me during my times of distraught, brought upon by my first relationship break up and first betrayal of friendship. She’s 4 years older than me and she has gone through so many things herself as well. She was always there for me with her sharp but caring words of comfort. She’s a gifted pianist—hardworking and determined to pursue her goals. Hopefully she will be having her graduation recital this March. I’m so happy and proud of her, despite all of the troubles she’s gone through as well, she finally made it. I only wish that I could be there to personally congratulate her.
Ah, these guys are the friends I made when I studied in Xavier University as a Computer Science student. It all started as an online anime community and eventually we all met up and just bonded overtime. A few of them I have considered very good friends. We still keep in touch, and whenever all of the other guys who are not in CDO anymore get to visit, we always make it to a point to meet up, and catch up.
Lastly, these guys are my friends here in Dumaguete. Like my CDOTAKU family we have all bonded because of our common interests. I am not exactly really close to all of them but we have shared some moments that I would consider one of the wonderful things I experienced in life— and I have them to thank for it.
I have been so blessed with all of my friends, and in return I just hope that I have been a blessing even just a tiny bit, to them.
I always find it a difficult question to answer everytime someone asks what my favorite things are. Be it food, color, clothes, series, movies, etc. For this one, I chose top 3 for each film categories of my choosing, just to make it a little easier for me to pick which ones are my favorites.
Top 3 Animated Films
Top 3 Musical Films
Top 3 Drama/Comedy/Romantic/Biopic Film
There a lot of pictures that makes me happy, but right now this makes it to the top of the list.
These are my lovable nieces, Seyla and Saffi. I got to spend a lot of time with them during the holidays, and it was wonderful. They are both so cute and sweet. I look forward to them growing up, see what they become, and what hobbies they’ll take up. I’ll be sure to let them read lots of good books and of course, teach them music.
In the family, there are only 3 of us siblings; I have 2 older brothers, making me the youngest and the only girl.
Being the only girl in the brood of 3 has affected my personality greatly. Growing up, I was mostly surrounded by boys—my brothers and their friends. I would play their games and they would tell me to go away because I was a girl and I should not play with them. Good thing there was another girl in the neighborhood I get to play with, although still, we would always follow the boys around. Every summer the older boys would get into various things: kite-flying, gardening, rearing fishes, and playing football. Those were few of the things they’ve done. At the time, they were the only older kids I could look up to and I’ve always thought what they were doing was cool, and I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be one of the boys. That’s how I became sort of tomboyish when I entered high school until early college, and became close friends with mostly guys. (I’ve only become ladylike when I had my first relationship.)
I never got close to my brothers until all of us got active in the church ministries, and when we all had to move away from home.. My older brother Kyle went to work in Cebu, my other brother Tyronne is in Cotabato studying to be a pastor, and I’m here in Dumaguete. I didn’t think we would get close since we fight a lot growing up, especially with my Kuya Tyronne.
Kuya Tyronne was a bully, both at home and in school. He would hit me and make me cry a lot. In school, he would pick on the girls and make them cry too. There were several instances the mothers of these girls would actually go to the school and sit down with him and the class adviser or the principal. Despite him being a bully, I always cared about him, and was protective of him. I would cry each time he gets scolded in school or get into a fistfight with his classmate. Even more so when he got into a relationship with this girl a few years back. I was aggressive of their situation and I even remember a confrontation with this girl, because there were rumors floating around regarding their relationship.
The same goes for my eldest brother Kyle. He experienced his first real heartbreak I think way back 2003 or 2004. This girl he was with then was rumored to be a flirt when she was in elementary (her classmates then were my high school classmates that time). When she moved in the middle of senior year in a high school here in Dumaguete, my brother made a surprise visit on her graduation day, only to find out that she was with another guy. I remember that phone call my brother made all the way from Dumaguete so well. He was talking to my mom and was crying hard. I could not help but cry as well. I felt my brothers pain, and I hated that girl for hurting him like that. Shortly after, she moved to Saipan, and my brother was able to move on. After a few years he graduated college, moved to Cebu, got married and now has 2 beautiful girls. My brother works hard for his family, and he still constantly communicates with our parents. That’s one thing about him that I adore.
Although I have always wanted a sister (a twin sister actually), I am still very thankful for my brothers. I guess I could say I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for them. And I will always look up to them, as I always have.
So I have just recently spent some time with my family back in my hometown during the holidays, and I guess it’s pretty timely that the subject of my writing challenge for this day are my parents. There’s so much to be said about them, but I will try not make it too long.
I am trying to remember the earliest memory I have with my parents, and for some reason I can’t remember one with only the both of them and me—either I’m only with my mom, or with my dad, or all five of us in the family, but not just the both of them and me. Which is kind of weird, now that I think about it.
The fondest memory I have of my dad was that one time he brought me to this kids’ amusement park in the mall, I think I was 7 or 8 then. The details are kind of blurry, but what I vividly remember though was that carousel ride with him. It was like one of those sweet movie moments between a father and daughter. And yes, you can tell I was definitely a Papa’s girl. Being the youngest and the only girl among the brood of 3, I am not even surprised if my dad favored me more than my brothers. If there were quarrels between me and my brothers, or me and my mom, my dad would always come to my rescue. We also get along well when it comes to rearing pets. I got my love for animals from my dad, and I’ve witnessed him taking care of various animals at home. There are so many memories I share with my dad and our pets. It’s actually pretty heartwarming remembering those times. However, by the time I reached high school we started not to get along so much.. He was more strict and super overprotective beyond reason, and because of that I would deliberately defy him, being the rebel that I am. Even more so after he suffered from the mild stroke early in my college years. He became more irritable and impatient, and even a lot harder to deal with. I understood what he was going through though, except I was still too stubborn,
My dad is not really the expressive type, and his way of showing love is different, but I know he loved us all very much. He works hard for the family and tries his best to still function normally despite having difficulties with his mobility. I am quite proud of him, though I don’t say it much. He never finished his degree in Geodetic Engineering, but he was still one of the best people in his work place. (I heard so much about him from the field survey workers when I worked in his company last year).
And with that, I want to leave this picture of my dad, one of the lifetime achievements he was always proud of.
Papa conquering the highest peak in the Philippines, Mt. Apo.
Alright, since my dad got a picture, here’s a picture of mom too, with me this time, ’cause girls gotta stick together y’know.
To me, Ma will always be the most forbearing person I know. (Probably second to her would be my future husband, coz hes’ going to have a lot to put through with me. HAHAHA)
My mom has gone through so much in life and I admire how she’s able to come through it all and still be the person that she is now—loving and always faithful to God
My favorite memory of my mom will always be the walks in Divisoria when I was a little girl. I would accompany her when she goes grocery shopping at Golden Friendship, yes, there was actually a grocery named after the city’s nickname. There was a credit line for the employees at my mom’s workplace there (also at Giftmate!), so we would get our grocery there and then we would eat Palabok afterwards. That’s why I LOVE PALABOK, it always reminded me of my childhood and mom.
One of the things I picked up from my mom is her love for gardening. In our house now, there really isn’t much space for a garden but she still managed to get some potted plants and flowers in place and made it look nice. In my pad here in Dumaguete, I have also planted some sunflowers and hoping to grow some other ones. I’d like to have a flower garden in my future house, and I’m hoping to make it with my mom.
Mom was always so supportive (she still is), no matter how much I have messed up in life. I can’t even fathom where she gets all that understanding, but I guess that’s a mother’s love for you. If I could be half as much as a mom (or more) like her, I think I won’t be so scared of parenthood anymore.
My parents are not perfect, they also had a lot of shortcomings. But, they’ve raised me and my siblings well enough to understand as well that despite those shortcomings, all they have ever done was for our best, and because they love us. And I believe those shortcomings are opportunities for us children to meet them halfway.
For the past 2 months, I have been constantly drawn into thoughts of being alone. I have not been alone for a long time. It’s not really a bad thing, however I have come to find loneliness each time. I have forgotten how to enjoy the company of myself.
At the start of this year, I have been dreading the thought of just being by myself. Deep inside me, I feel that I may have to make a decision that will result to a sudden change in everything, and might lead me to the path of loneliness once again.
I honestly am not sure how to handle it this time.