2016: A Year In Review

This entry has been sitting in my drafts for how many days now. I’ve been meaning to finish it but there’s always something that prevents me from doing so, like holiday affairs, going back to school, and getting sick. Still sick, btw. BUT, I’m finally doing [finishing] this once and for all. Inspired by Miss Arriane Serafico, I have decided to do this annually now, ideally, before New Year’s Eve, but yeah, life happened. Oh, and the guide questions are also from Miss Arriane.

Just a quick look back on 2016.

What are the 3 things I’m most proud of accomplishing in 2016?

  1. Moving out of my house.
  2. Pursuing my true heart’s desire. (not sure if this is an accomplishment, but considering the many years of constantly brushing it aside, I have finally faced it head on)
  3. I took on a job and stayed even if I was hesitant to. (Though, right now, I am planning to quit. For a lot of reasons. )

What are things I wish I had done better at or devoted more time to, in 2016?  What were the internal and/or external roadblocks I had that prevented me from doing better at those things?

I wish I had continued devoting [more] time towards my music playing (piano and ukulele) and my interest in calligraphy. My job and studies demanded so much of my time and energy last year. It sounds like an excuse, but honestly, I found it really hard to focus on practicing my playing or my calligraphy because of all the things I needed to do and finish. And I was always tired. Every time I get home, I immediately just lie down on my bed. That was also how I coped with the stress I was experiencing, which resulted in weight gain. Not sure if it’s really the lack of time or lack of time management on my part. Either way, that was the reason I had less time doing the things I would have wanted to spend more time with.

What baggage or storylines or self-limiting beliefs do I want to let go of in 2016?

The belief that I can never escape from the feeling that I am a burden to people around me. That I can’t ever be independent, financially. I want to let that go and work harder this year.

Comparing December 2015 self and December 2016 self: What is different? What are the 3 things that made me a better person?

  1. Being completely honest to my heart. Because of this, I have nothing to hide anymore and it has made me happier.
  2. Letting go of toxic individuals.
  3. Saying NO more frequently.

All these has made me braver in everything. I have learned not to be too concerned with what people think of me, because what they think of me won’t matter much in the long run.

What do I want to devote most of my time, money, and energy to in 2017?

Finishing my music studies, once and for all, and start being active in church again. Focus on developing my musicality, and improve my skill. Be of use and return all that I am and have to God. I remember how much joy I’ve experienced back when I was serving and using my talent in the ministry. I’ve had my issues with things and people, you can’t really avoid that, but I’m hoping my heart will be firm and more steadfast this time around.

Just a few more things before I end this review:

2016 was the year I realized…

…that being true to your heart can give you freedom, towards relationships, and towards your passion in life, altogether. It can make or break relationships, it involves letting go and starting over and over again, but the freedom and joy it brings will make it all worth it. It’s hard to realize that when we are still in the process, but later we can look back, and tell ourselves that, yes, we deserve this freedom, we deserve to grow, we deserve this happiness.

… that it is always a good decision to get out of a toxic environment. Toxic environments don’t bring anything but negative energy, so as early as possible, get out.

… that it’s okay to try new things, though unsure. It’s a way to discover for yourself if you can do something or not. I’ve learned more about myself by going out of my comfort zone last year. I’m hoping to go out further this 2017.

… that letting go of people who hampers our growth can and is always going to be a good thing. This is related to what I wrote above about letting go of toxic individuals.

…that sometimes our beliefs will be challenged by someone higher, someone we admire, by someone we look up to, but we must always stand our ground. If we are convicted by our hearts that what we believe is more certain than what they tell us, never be swayed, and hold on to that belief.

… that being tired is okay. We need to rest, so that we may go for another round again.

…that I CAN FINISH whatever I put my mind into.

So that’s all of it. Took me a while to put them all into words, but that’s the best I can do.

I’m hoping for a great 2017. To write out my thoughts more. Express more, in music and in art. To serve more, and be used not for my own glory but to His, most especially.

To keep going regardless of many failures, endure more, and put up a good fight.

#FIGHT

Day 30: A Collage

For as long as I have music, As long as there´s a song for me to sing, I can find my way; I can see a brighter day. The music in my life will set my spirit free!
For as long as I have music, as long as there´s a song for me to sing, I can find my way; I can see a brighter day.
The music in my life will set my spirit free!

This was how it was a few years ago; surrounded by music, playing and performing, or just having fun with it. I have missed this. And as a reminder to myself, I decided to make this collage, a reminder that music will always be a part of me, no matter how I deny it, no matter how much I say that I will never be good at it. And I know I’m wrong. I am just scared, always have been. Thus, the detours and pit stop in my life. It’s not that I don’t know what I want, it’s just that I am too scared to keep going in my journey, and if I do have what it takes to finish it. I felt like I have never finished anything in my life. But then…

…seems petty, but this is the end of this writing challenge that I have started initially with JR (March 2014) and continued on with Stef (January 2015). So, I finally finished this. I actually finished a writing challenge! So I can finish something. Timely because the year is also ending.

You can say this is a commemoration of sorts. More so now that I have planned on finishing my musical journey, if you know what I mean.

Come 2017. Come at me. I WILL FIGHT YOU.

Day 28 : Something that stresess you out.

 

Right now, what I am most stressed about is the place I am working at. There has been so many irregularities and inconsistencies with regards to employment terms. Though this does not affect me greatly (I am still affected though) since I am only a part-timer, seeing how the rest of my co-workers are being treated makes feel bad as well. There’s so much mistrust already and I cannot stomach working with people I don’t exactly trust.

I am also stressed because lately, I have been feeling more impatient. I want the school year to end already and resign. I have been thinking of doing freelance work. Project-based work seems fitting for me right now so that’s what I am looking out for. Praying to God that I’ll be able to find good paying ones.

 

 

Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

I don’t have songs in my iPhone right now to save space. I’ve just been dependent on Spotify for my music needs. I’ll be choosing a playlist and just put it on shuffle.

  1. Technicolor Beat – Oh Wonder
  2. Midnight Moon – Oh Wonder
  3. Without You – Oh Wonder
  4. White Nights – Oh Land
  5. Halcyon – The Paper Kites
  6. Bloom – The Paper Kites
  7. Pillow Talk – Wild Child
  8. Crazy Bird – Wild Child
  9. Fly – June Marieezy
  10. Matilda – Oskar Schuster