Chronicles from the Balcony: Morning Solitude

Here I am again out in the balcony, just enjoying the morning and the cool embrace of the breeze. This is rare. It’s usually hot here from 10 in the morning until noontime. I’m just glad that I am able to do my own thing out here instead of inside my room. The temptation of doing nothing is great inside there.

I love the feeling of being out here. The vastness of the sky is exhilarating and makes me feel one with the world. I’ve made the mistake of being such a busybody that I have forgotten how I need to take a moment and experience moments like this.

Two weeks from now, I might be going back to my hometown, and I plan to go on a day away from the city, maybe to the beach or somewhere with great view, and somewhere quiet enough. I’ve been meaning to create a goal-setting guide after I saw one of my boss’s blog post about it, and I thought, I should try doing that too. I have all these goals and plans, but I have not really thought more about how to go about it—creating a deadline and a timeline. So I guess I could do it this vacation.and then start working on it in time for the new year.

I’m looking forward to realizing more creative projects and meeting more creative people for this coming year, so, I hope for all the best.

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Moving towards a changed lifestyle.

Earlier this morning, I was contemplating on what to write about for today’s entry.  I checked for some ideas on my journal and nothing seemed to strike my fancy.  So I pretty much just browsed the interwebs for anything that would pique my interest. After a while, I decided to go out to pick up a package my mom sent me over the weekend. I asked her to order some products  from Human Heart Nature (HHN). I’ve tried some of their products last year but I wasn’t so keen about them. But 2 months ago, a friend of mine, Zaki, who’s an advocate for all-natural products started telling me about her organic shampoo, and this oil mix for her hair that she made out of Coconut Oil and Lemon Oil. I got interested, and was amused at how passionate she was about it. I told her about HHN, and she actually likes the products that they have and she’s also used them. So, I decided to give it a try one more time.

This was my first haul:

After a few times of using it, I actually grew to like the products, especially the tomato extract facial wash and toner. I’m still getting used with their shampoo and conditioner though. It still gives me a bit of dandruff. :/

Fast forward to this month, my mom order again for me, this time I picked the products I wanted.

Here’s my second and recent haul:

My Human Heart Nature Haul~!

I am loving my second haul more because of the Sunflower Beauty Oil and the Rosehip Oil. I have read such good reviews about those two products and I have been so excited to use them. I was supposed to get the Rosemary Oil as well for my  scalp and hair care, but I think my mom missed that one. It’s alright though, I’m pretty happy with what I have right now. And I think I can get the Rosemary Oil from one of the dealers of HHN here.

Also, maybe on one of my upcoming posts, I will share about how Zaki influenced me to get in to essential oils as well.

So, I guess you could say I am switching to all-natural products now. I want to think of it as slowly going for a healthier lifestyle. I’m switching to a better diet, and, I have also started kickboxing last month.  But, that will be another story to tell for later.

Chronicles from the Balcony: The Beginning

Yesterday I discovered there was a stronger WIFI signal outside my room, right out here in my balcony. So now I am out here trying my luck again with this writing thing in my blog.

I was just talking about it with one of my friends from my hometown about how much of a frustrated writer I am. I told him about how I was able to write a story (an unifinished one though) when I was 11, inspired from the books I read that time, Sweet Valley Twins and Baby Sitter’s Club. It was horrible to be honest, but I was kind of proud of it, because I was able to write something — create something. Looking back at it now, those were the days when I didn’t even care about the technicalities of writing. Now, I get so conscious with everything that I say or write, I become so paralyzed with fear of being criticized even before I get to write anything. But that’s about to change. Right here, right now.

I WILL write more now. I WILL be less conscious, and instead learn more so I can be better. I WILL surround myself with people who are eager to teach and learn with me, people who inspire me to grow.

Look forward to this change.

For a Kiss.

So beautifully said.

I don’t think this song can describe that feeling any more than they already have. That moment, when you brace for that sweetest, most longed for kiss.

I can be such a hopeless romantic. I really am a sucker for such romantic, blissful moments.

Kind of makes me reminisce a few things from the past actually. Sigh.

Down Memory Lane

A few days ago I looked through my albums in Facebook and saw the very first photo I used as my default profile picture. I decided to put it as default again just for nostalgia’s sake. But, it got me  into thinking more, and made me look back at how things were then. Around the time I was suffering from sadness and anxiety because of some decisions I have drastically made. It made me think if the person I am now would be the same person as back then, who knows how much better I would be. Then again, it was my experience from that time that made me how I am now. 

As an extremely sentimental person I have always love trekking down memory lane. Sure, there I always find the saddest moments of my life, but there are some of the happiest ones too. 

Sometimes I miss it, and also the people who were there, and actually, even the person that I was (in some ways). 

Of course I wouldn’t let this stop me from moving forward. There are just times when you have to look back and see why you are here where you are now. 

 

What I feel for you can’t be conveyed in phrasal combinations; It either screams out loud or stays painfully silent but I promise — it beats words. It beats worlds. ―Katherine Mansfield 

 

This afternoon I tried to write about you, but I could never, for the life of me, get a decent sentence out. Everything just falls apart every time I think about you. 

How it might have been.

All the songs makes sense once more, all of them always lead me into thinking of you and how it might have been, with you.  I can’t help but think how much we’ve changed over the years, yet still remain as we are. A part of me still longs for that familiarity in you, and wishing, oh wishing that we can always have this familiarity. Between the two of us, I don’t know which one is the so-called ‘the one that got away’. Thinking back though, no one really got away, rather one of us let go of the other. Maybe it was me who let go. But I did chase you back, again and again, all of which were futile efforts since I never got to get you back. Maybe it was too late, or I don’t know if I never tried hard enough, or you just never want me back anymore. Right now I’m scared, I want to take this leap, this huge leap but I may never be able to reach you. I may lose you and lose myself too. Every time I think we have gotten close again and I take a bigger step towards you, you back away, or push me away like you always do. And it hurts. This is not me making it up to you from what I did, but me right now, telling you I still long for you all this time, that I still do feel something special to you, more than this special friendship that we have. Both of us have expressed again and again how we both treasure this ‘special bond’ between us, but somehow I always think that maybe we could have something more than this. However it scares me as well that things would not be the same again, not that I wish it would be, but what if that familiarity will be gone the moment we both cross the line and face each other truly. What if it will all disappear and nothing will be left this time? I just cannot bear the thought of that happening. I don’t know what you think, or how you feel because you never make it known to me , but hearing you say that I am the ‘cherry on top’ makes me feel really happy. But how long will we be able to keep this up? Do I risk it or forever just wonder how it might have been?